Wednesday, April 23, 2008
I'm tired. And in my head I see Madelynn Kahn singing on stage, vamping for an audience of drunken cowboys in a Mel Brooks spoof (oh lord how I love Mel Brooks movies and Madelynn Kahn in them) singing about how tired she is...I feel as though if I could sit still for five minutes and just not think or do or feel , how rested I would be. If the phone wouldn't ring or papers wouldn't rustle , if tv's were silent and Doctor's appointments didn't have to be kept...if I could make my mind a blank page and not anticipate the writing that would fill it...if weeds didn't need to be plucked from the pristine beds I prepared, if supper didn't have to be cooked and dishes loaded into the dishwasher because lord I am tired. If clothes didn't have to be washed, dried put away only to be dirtied again, if floors didn't need washing and furniture dusted, if only there was a place for everything and everything was in its place. If only all the responsibilities that I have taken on in my life could be as easily laid down as they were taken up. I have decided to learn yoga so that I can learn to relax. I don't think I have ever relaxed in my entire life. Mama called it being on pins and needles. I can't be still (not in a hyperactive way) I'm a machine of perpetual motion. Even when I am still, I am moving. My mind never stops and some things it conjures up are pleasant to think on, some things that enter into the abyss of my imagination scare hell out of me. I've seen too much, gone to far to turn back and there's still to much to be done. And so I'm tired. But now I look forward to a good nights sleep where responsibilites belong to someone else and houses care for themselves and those who lie sleeping within their walls. And in the morning when I arise with the sun I'll be refreshed and ready to take on the world again. I won't feel this tired again for some time. But when I do, I promise I'll tell you. Because the telling of a thing is the releasing of a thing. And the releasing of a thing is such a pleasure.
for those who would love to see Madelyn singing "I'm Tired" go to Lee's spot at http://chrysalisdreams.blogspot.com/ She has graciously looked for the spot on youtube and posted for me. I have some really great friends.