Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

I have been trying to think of an appropriate Halloween story to tell you all, but you guys are so darned talented that it's hard to keep up. I came in here this morning and your Halloween posts were up and some had 39 comments already. What did you all do, sit up all night putting these things in? I'm proud of you, I promise. I guess I just don't get started as fast as everyone else. Where once a single cup of coffee revved my engine, now it's more like a pot. Okay, so what did I want to tell you for Halloween? I want to start with my evil "sister". In fact, I want to end with my evil "sister", too. When E.S. (Evil Sister) and I met we found we had so much in common it was downright spooky. About a year after we met, I decided that we had indeed been sisters, in a former life. There was no other explanation for the instant bonding. I have since made another friend like that, she is the Good "Sister", or G.S. There are no evil tales connected to her, but to E.S. the evil tales abound. I have two for your perusal.

Evil Sister and The Hand

Once upon a time E.S. and her beloved husband (who shall be nameless) had a child. Now for E.S caring for the child was Job 1 job, plus of course the rest of her jobs (cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing dishes, etc., you know, the light stuff) When Nameless would come in from work, he would of course ask sweetly "when is dinner?" Now, Nameless really did ask nicely, but E.S. being so tired what with all the work she did around the house, plus caring for an infant, often didn't hear the niceness or pleasant disposition in his voice, she heard demands. She didn't want to hear demands, she wanted sleep. I can't seem to remember exactly what it was that sent her over the edge that night, but it was Nameless's fault. I know it was, because E.S. told me it was. She had forgotten to do something he had asked her to do or had done something he had pleasantly asked her not to do, but whatever it was, in her state of sleep deprivation, his reaction to whatever it was sent her reeling. He raised his hand and brought it down on the table and said "if I've told you once!" and she watched the hand , all the time bringing her fork up to her mouth to remove the piece of Chicken Amaretto (oh, did I mention she is a gourmet cook?) "I've told you a thousand times!" BOOM down comes the hand again and somehow, says E.S., when she next looked at the hand, her fork was sticking out of it and the hand was now pinned to the table. Now, anyone else would have been so shocked at that confession, they would have drawn back in horror, hands covering their mouth to choke back the scream. Did I? Oh, hell no, I burst out laughing and tears rolled down my face, and I could see him sitting there wondering where he had gone wrong and why this sweet little thing had tried to maim him and more importantly why her fork was now sticking out the back of his hand. Because, really, men don't have a clue, do they? That was the moment I knew in my heart, we had been sisters. Except while I may imagine plunging a fork into someone who is irritating the life out of me, she has follow through. After a quick trip to the Emergency Room and Nameless explaining to the ER Doc how he had been running down the stairs, fork in hand and this terrible accident had taken place (...had to read back over that and make sure I didn't actually put his name in there) they of course made up and continue to live happily. E.S. is only allowed to eat with a spoon, though.



Don't Call Me Honey, Honey



E.S. has a few little pet peeves, but the main one has to do with the fact that Nameless can somehow never think ahead. "Why" she asked me, "do men not think to look around and make sure there is a towel at hand before they strip down and get into the shower?" I knew what she meant, having gone through the ritual of "Honey, bring me a towel" myself, more than once I might add. So anyway, this one night she hears the shower running, she's putting up the dishes she had washed earlier and when she hears the shower go off stands listening. Sure enough, she hears him. "Honey?" She stands still a second and waits for the second clarion call. "Honey???" She moves off down the hall, opens the door to the linen closet and....no, she does not get him a towel...she climbs up on the highest shelf, pulling the door to. She hears him. "Honey, bring me a towel!" She waits. She hears the bathroom door open, imagines him peeking around the door, hears him once again "honey?" voice a bit low now, wondering just where the devil she's gotten to. She hears him running down the hall, he snatches open the linen closet door and grabs a towel just as she reaches out and pats him on top of the head. She said that image of him dancing naked in place for five seconds, not knowing what the hell is going on is an image that will go with her to her grave! Isn't that just like my Evil Sister?



Happy Halloween

20 comments:

Pam said...

Oh my gosh, I was imagining doing that same thing with my husband and the towel while reading your story. He forgets that darned towel practically everytime he goes to the shower! lol! I bet Nameless has never forgot a towel ever again, eh?

Thanks for stopping by and saying hello on my blog! Happy Halloween.

Mary said...

Oh Sandi
You really know how to make me laugh!i forgot to get any sweets for trick or treaters today so there are some at the door, I'm getting dinner in the kitchen and see a 6foot plus husband hiding in the hall saying "can't open the door I have nothing to give them"Thank goodness we had some very nice grapes!! at least we won't be responsible for ant rotton teeth!!

Penny @ Lavender Hill Studio said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The fork thing had me, but the closet/towel story set me off laughing so hard, tears were running down my face! THANK YOU!
Penny

T*mmy said...

Trix or Treats Miz Sandi!

I hope you have a great evening!

justabeachkat said...

Happy Halloween!

Oh Girl, you can tell the best stories. Both were good. Men...can live with 'em, can't live without 'em!

Halloween Hugs To You!
Kat

Jenn and Jacqui said...

Hi Sandi, your stories are the BEST!! This is so funny!! We are one hundred percent with Kat's comments, my Mum always said that!! And now I am saying it too about my hubby!! Happy Halloween hon! Jenn and jacqui :)

Brenda said...

Sandi you are a mess even if it does take you a poy of coffee to get going hehe. Happy Halloween

She'sSewPretty said...

Oh my gosh. I'm so glad I stopped here today. If I were tiny enough to climb in my itty bitty linen closet I would so do that to certain males in my family. Thanks for the story! I laughed out loud.

Sophie Honeysuckle said...

Sandi, it's so good to be back reading your blog, and catching up with your funny stories, I have missed blogging to a surprising degree!! Hope you enjoyed Halloween, and a parcel should be arriving for you any day now....

Country Cottage Chic said...

Ha! Those are funny stories - I think I like E.S!

Sandi McBride said...

Just to prove that ES and I must be kin, my Mama always said "Men, can't just kill 'em and if you do you sure can't eat 'em."

Terri and Bob said...

I have never had that many comments! I loved your story and really considered....

never mind.

Happy Halloween back at ya!

Mockingbird Hill said...

Okay...where the heck is this woman and how can I meet her?? She is my HERO...hahaha!!

Great stories and only made greater by the way you tell them, sweetie...

Abbie said...

ROFL......lol this is so hilarious! You behave yourself Aunt Sandie, I'm at work and cannot be lauging my real laugh here.
Nameless must be well trained now!

Thanks for sharing!

Mary said...

Hi Sarah forwarded the ecard you sent her and I laughed like a drain!! Got the vest on today as getting cold here!

Katherines Dream said...

Love it.
Yep, my hub almost always forgets his towel.
But the worst thing was his shirts......he never ever rolled the sleeves back down when putting it into the dirty linen basket. I was so so so fed up with having to roll them down either before wahsing them or ironing them that I decided however his clothes were put in the wash that was the way I would iron.
His work shirts hung in the wardrobe nice and clean and the sleeves ironed in the rolled up position.
He soon got out of that habit!
X

vintage said...

Hahahahahha my stomach hurts from all that laughing... I know what caused your " sister" to be EVIL...its the big M word called Marriage. I'm sure she was'nt informed that it came attached with a life husband. Spookiest Halloween story I've read thus far Sandi...
Cheers, Adla

Wanda said...

Ha ha ha! I think I like Evil Sister!

Love Bears All Things said...

Thanks, Sandi, mystery solved.
Mama Bear

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

Ahhhhh, this was worth it all! ROFL! I love ES and she isn't even your sister. Good heavens! You've had me fooled! Hahahahahaha...