Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Truth in Advertising

It rained today. Yeahhhhhh. It started about dawn and went on till after twelve. It misted like the skies were filled with tiny little holes and that gravity was forcing it through the sprinkler head the first part of the morning and then suddenly it came down like it was being poured from a boot. I never once complained. I simply kept my jammies on all morning long, turned on the television and prepared to watch people lie about the products they sell. But first of course, it was Mother's Day so I cooked. Grits, sausage perfectly scrambled eggs (you know, very moist but done) biscuits and a side of strawberries. That's why I spent the rest of the morning in jammies...I couldn't move. So, coffee in hand I picked up the remote and began to channel surf, hoping I'd see Billy pushing his amazing stain removing boil extracting weed killing germ eliminating handy dandy soap balls. Or maybe the clothes deflating, atom squashing sweater flattening space bags so you can jam one ton of clothes in about a 32 inch space. I love to watch them hawking those little tillers that you can manage with one hand. Problem is, the soil those newfangled dadburn ground ripping motor driven teeth from hell are tilling was done several hours before by a John Deere. Not John Dear, John Deere as in tractor. It doesn't need any clarifying. It's a John Deere. Nothing runs like a ...well you get the point. So here's this marvelous little tiller just plowing away in the super looking ground (which looked suspiciously like mulch and cow manure to Mac. You can't fool Mac, for while he's not a bona fidie farmer he can grow a lot more than one thing from seed. Sort of like cooking from scratch, and almost as tasty.) The first time I saw this add I burst out laughing. Who did they think they were kidding? Then there are the "beauty ads" featuring seventeen year old girls trying to act like they're forty but they just put on some of Dr. Feelgood's Wrinkle Cream and man they look why they look...I don't know, seventeen? I mean really people, I have better things to do with my money than plaster some magic elixir (the magic was in turning my money into their money) that smells like pulvarized lizard gizards and looks like pond scum. But it's gonna make me beautiful! Hey, poor stupid me, and here I thought I looked pretty durned good for a gal my age...aha, and what's my age you ask? Well contrary to popular opinion I never once found a penny in dinosaur track. But really what I want to say is simply pay attention. As a woman once told me, if it looks to good to be true it probably is!

15 comments:

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

Oh Sandi, you're a a smart one! I, on the other hand, am a believer. I mean I really, really want whatever it is that Jane Seymour is slapping all over her face. I just know that it will be the very thing that will take these old wrinkles and fill them up or send them packing altogether.

Glad that you had one of those jammie Mother's Days. It sounded like heaven with the rain and all and all that good food. Wait a minute...does not Mac cook? Not even on Mother's Day?

Jeni said...

I sat here reading this post and chuckling the whole way through it - especially the part about the penny in the dinosaur tracks. Loved that line and I may just have to employ that into my vocabulary for the next time one of my three, smart-alec, grown children decides to rag me about how life was back in the dark ages. The oldest -now 41 -I keep warning her that her day to discuss life in those dark ages isn't all that far off, just around the next corner really. Great post though about how untrue those "infomercials" really are. Keep on writing, educating and entertaining!

Sarah said...

Oh sandi chickypops, I didn't mean to make you come over all awash!!!

Have a cup of tea Queen and it'll all be well!!!

The Diva's Thoughts said...

This a great and funny post!!! LOL

justabeachkat said...

Preach it sista! Thanks for a good belly laugh. See...that's just one of the reasons I don't watch much TV, especially commercials and infomercials. Junk! Absolute junk. It makes for a funny post though.

Hugs!
Kat

Jeanne said...

LOL sounds like fun having a jammie day. Gotta admit though I don't watch those infomercials at all. Bunch of hogwash is what they are.

JanaBanana said...

Hi Sandi :) Hope you had a nice Mothers Day! Thank you for the sweet comments for my baby shower blog!
Hey I cant stand it anymore, what did you name the orphaned fur-ball?

joan said...

Hi Sandi,

Hope you had a good Mom's Day. Great post. My Mom always taught me the same thing. I don't watch infomercials except maybe for entertainment. They do provide a good laugh sometimes.

Lee said...

You know, I hate infomercials. The amount of good entertainment time they take up on public TV is atrocious.

Loved your post. It's a good and worthy rant which you handled with style and humor.

I left a link to a medical blog carnival as a suggestion in my comment on David's POTDs. You should go read the carnival (lots of posts gathered together). Some of it might bore you, but other bits will make your heart sing or your blood boil.

Hugs!

Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

I just found out a few weeks ago that Demi Moore's had plastic surgery ON HER KNEES! What the heck? All this time, I just thought her money was buying her good derma-peels and hair conditioners. I had no idea she was helping herself to age like a freak of nature by using actual surgery. It's no wonder so many women today feel less than attractive. Who can live up to the standards we see in the movies and on magazine covers? Plastic knee surgery...who'd a thunk it? Kind of makes that Dr. Feelgood's Wrinkle Cream seem like amateur stuff, huh? lol

Jamie Dawn said...

A rainy day spent in pjs.... aaaaaaah, what joy!!!

Most skin creams and elixirs are not worth the money they charge for them. I have found a few worthy skin products over the years that I use daily. They are simple and don't cost much. I don't buy any makeup or skin products at dept. store counters. The cost of those products is crazy high!!! You are wise to keep your money.

I haven't seen that dirt tiller you're talking about. I'd love to see them try it on our soil which is very rocky. That littler tiller would surely be torn up in no time.

Mima said...

I'm with you on the PJ's!! Although I can honestly say that I wasn't very good at sitting in front of the TV when I was well, so the hours that I now spend doing so out of necessity are a nightmare, infomertials or not.

I have listened to your advice and ignored my Mum, and I am phoning Granny & Grampa regularly (it was what my heart told me to do too), and I am happy to report that Granny phones me too!

Christine of Epiphany said...

Your breakfast sounded really good! Now, I'm all hungry...!

Katherines Dream said...

Love those sort of days....jammies on and remote in hand!
You are right of course in everything you said....nothing will stop the ravages of time.
Happy Mothers Day.
Carol xx

LivingTheLife said...

OMG...really...what??...you mean I CAN'T buy "skinny" in a bottle??...well, dangit...guess I'll just save my money, then. I do find it rather odd that so many of the "movie" folks clamor on and on about certain products...I mean wasn't it Cher that said..."if they sold it in a bottle we would all be skinny"...all the while she is promoting some age defying pond scum and a natural, low cost, life-time subscription to some kind of face paint???? And what about Victoria Principle...she panders her face wares on those infomercials telling us that if we just use her clinically proven, health promoting, age defying, all natural ingredient (some of which we cannot even spell or pronounce)product...all the while....looking so dewy fresh and being "married" to a PLASTIC SURGEON...uh huh...OH!! I believe her...yes! I do!! Oh!! and Suzanne Sommers and her thigh-master...classic infomercial...just classic...geez...I hate it that this is all a big ruse...I just can't stand the thought...OH! and why? oh why? must they clog our airways with such drivel??...I mean "really"... if I am up and can't sleep...do I really want to know about all the things that society thinks is
wrong with me and I need it fixed??...seriously...why can't they just show old movies that make you feel better about yourself???

Whew...I'm glad I was able to get that off my chest...thanks for the cleansing...ooopss, I've gotta run...they are about to give out the number for almighty teeth whitening kit, that allows me to have neon white teeth all the while leading my way in the dark...so I will never be lost again...I just love a product that serves dual purposes!!...ewwww-wwweeee I can hardly wait till my tele-goodies arrive.

blessings...
Teresa