Sunday, May 11, 2008
The Truth in Advertising
It rained today. Yeahhhhhh. It started about dawn and went on till after twelve. It misted like the skies were filled with tiny little holes and that gravity was forcing it through the sprinkler head the first part of the morning and then suddenly it came down like it was being poured from a boot. I never once complained. I simply kept my jammies on all morning long, turned on the television and prepared to watch people lie about the products they sell. But first of course, it was Mother's Day so I cooked. Grits, sausage perfectly scrambled eggs (you know, very moist but done) biscuits and a side of strawberries. That's why I spent the rest of the morning in jammies...I couldn't move. So, coffee in hand I picked up the remote and began to channel surf, hoping I'd see Billy pushing his amazing stain removing boil extracting weed killing germ eliminating handy dandy soap balls. Or maybe the clothes deflating, atom squashing sweater flattening space bags so you can jam one ton of clothes in about a 32 inch space. I love to watch them hawking those little tillers that you can manage with one hand. Problem is, the soil those newfangled dadburn ground ripping motor driven teeth from hell are tilling was done several hours before by a John Deere. Not John Dear, John Deere as in tractor. It doesn't need any clarifying. It's a John Deere. Nothing runs like a ...well you get the point. So here's this marvelous little tiller just plowing away in the super looking ground (which looked suspiciously like mulch and cow manure to Mac. You can't fool Mac, for while he's not a bona fidie farmer he can grow a lot more than one thing from seed. Sort of like cooking from scratch, and almost as tasty.) The first time I saw this add I burst out laughing. Who did they think they were kidding? Then there are the "beauty ads" featuring seventeen year old girls trying to act like they're forty but they just put on some of Dr. Feelgood's Wrinkle Cream and man they look why they look...I don't know, seventeen? I mean really people, I have better things to do with my money than plaster some magic elixir (the magic was in turning my money into their money) that smells like pulvarized lizard gizards and looks like pond scum. But it's gonna make me beautiful! Hey, poor stupid me, and here I thought I looked pretty durned good for a gal my age...aha, and what's my age you ask? Well contrary to popular opinion I never once found a penny in dinosaur track. But really what I want to say is simply pay attention. As a woman once told me, if it looks to good to be true it probably is!