Friday, December 14, 2007
The Maxine in us all/or Santa Baby
You know, it seems like just the other day that I was talking about how nice and sweet I am at this time of the year. The Maxine in me just hibernates ,blissfully unaware that I am out and about amongst the public spreading cheer and good will. Santa Baby gave me my gift early this year, because I've been a good girl for most of the 20 minute window to which he is actually paying attention. During that 20 minutes I offended no one, swore at no one, riled no neighbors...you know, good. So, with my brand new present, I had to contact the Dishnetwork people and schedule an appointment for new equipment to be installed. I spoke to Gloria. Gloria was so sweet and I commented on how she had a really Christmasy name. She thanked me and we set up an appointment and everything was going "just swimmingly" (I have no idea what that is supposed to mean, but it seemed like a good spot to use it) and I was offered a morning or evening on Thursday for them to come by. I chose morning (because I'm a morning kind of girl). She told me to hold on so she could check to make sure the equipment that was required was in the warehouse. Alrighttttt...equipment in warehouse (check) appointment time between 8 and 12 noon (check) and we're all set, by by now, nice talking to you and hang up the phone. So, twenty minutes later Gloria calls back. She was just informed that there really is no vacancy in the morning (the computer was misinformed...) would the afternoon be hunky dorey? Hunky dorey, afternoon will be fine, I'm not picky, I'm nice and "Maxine" is still in hibernation. Mac (WTHF) and I discussed when we would move the old tv set into the guest room and decided on Thursday morning. Tuesday night the confirmation for Thursday came by phone. Wednesday night a very nice young man named Terrance (other than Terrance Stamp, are there really any young men named Terrance? ) called to say that there had been an overbooking and would it be alright if they came on Friday morning? Sure, no problem, Friday morning will be fine. Thursday night I get the confirmation by phone, Friday morning, be there between 8 and noon. So, this morning we disconnected the satelite box, the dvd player, the tv and removed all but the cd player to the spare room. We put in place the brand spanking new Entertainment console and placed upon it the brand new tv...hidef...I told you, I've been a very good girl...and the phone rang. Now, WTHF is outside filling up bird feeders and pruning trees and doing the stuff of the retired gentleman farmer that is expected of him. On the phone once again is Terrance. He wants to speak to me about our appointment. They have just discovered that the equipment we need is not in the warehouse after all and it may be Saturday evening before they can...and Maxine came screaming out of hibernation like a bat out of hell...."WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT? TOMORROW?" Picture me, head spinning around, spitting pea soup and gravelly noises coming from my voice box... "I HAVE DISCONNECTED EVERY WIRE FROM THE BOX AND TV IN HERE WHICH MEANS THERE ISN'T EVEN TV IN THE SPARE ROOM AND YOU TELL ME THAT IT WILL BE TOMORROW?" I heard Terrance gulping for air and he was squeaking when he asked if I wanted to speak to his manager. Did I want to speak to his manager? Oh yes, I wanted to speak to his manager and I'd best not be on hold to long...go find him young man. I just knew that Terrance was wishing he had not made this call and was at that moment yelling for GLORIA...WTHF walked in as I am standing there with one hand on hip, the other holding the phone to my ear and my right foot tapping. He looked at me, mouthed "what" and I told him to stand by, I was about to give an ear full to the Dish people. He beat a hasty retreat (fearing fallout) back to the yard and left me to handle the "Manager". "This is Ramone, Mrs. McBride and I am so sorry about this," he began. "You know, not as sorry as you're going to be Ramone if a Dishnetwork truck isn't pulling up in my yard today," said Maxine..."if your people have mistakenly put my equipment in someone else's house, you'd damn well better go take it back and bring it here". You'd think I would be exhausted by this point, but no. I told him how unhappy I was, very very unhappy and that the last time I had been unhappy, I had left Directv( who was pleading for my return) and they were all to quick to take my money, take a deep breath, and he stopped me. He told me to hold on and let him do some checking. Why, what do you know, magically the equipment has appeared and they will definitely be here this afternoon to honor the committment. Hmm, no more Mrs. Niceguy. Maxine is very much awake, Christmas or not...next?