The Shopping Gene and the Enabler

So the other day when we were in Florence for doctor appointments (seems that's about it for a day on the town anymore) I had the dubious pleasure of visiting the Magnolia Mall. We walked in at 9:45 only to find that the mall was, you won't believe this, closed. Well, the mall itself was open, just no shops. Kirkland's was closed, Belks and JC Penny's had yet to roll up the wire door...just no one. Banker's don't get those hours. And for the love of all that's Holy, even Barnes and Noble had not opened their sleepy eyes. I had fifteen minutes to kill before Mac had to go in to get his eye exam (I'm telling you people, you know you are old when you schedule everything on the same day) and unable to browse in B$N we walked (walking is good for you) from one end of the one story mall to the other. On our return I stood in front of B$N like a puppy at the back door of a restaurant. Finally, 10 AM arrived and as Mac went in for his exam, I went for the books. You know, I'm like a drunk...I can stop anytime I want. I just don't want yet. There are so many new things out that it's hard to choose. I saw Fanny Flagg had a new book out and so as not to have wasted my trip, I bought it. I went back over to Lenscrafters and found Mac patiently waiting for me. He ordered his new spectacles and out we headed to Mall Central. After walking around a bit, Mac decided he was going to sit in the chair area for awhile. I left him happily talking to another unfortunate male who had been dragged to the mall. Fishing was the topic of conversation (color me surprised?) as I walked over to Belks. I wandered though the ladies junk as my sons always called it. Dresses, skirts, blouses, slacks and lingerie. I was absolutely gobsmacked at the prices. Now my shopping gene is as strong as it ever was, but apparently my inability to get to the "real" Department Stores (such grand prices must have grand titles) had blinded me to how much it cost to make some of these apparent treasures. I went from rack to rack seeing prices like $125 and $119. I found one shirt hanging over a pair of jeans the price tag was $74. It was just for the shirt. I left hurriedly and went to where Mac was sitting with the other fella. "Find anything?" he asked. I told him I couldn't believe the prices. They were marked down from 'You've got to be kidding' to ' Expensive'. I told him I was going over to JC Penny's and off I went. It was the same story inside. Everything was so high you'd need a second job to pay for it and they thought so much of themselves they had one of those set ups like in the bank, a fence to keep you moving by the cashier...only problem was there were no customers to take advantage of this "stay in line" mechanism. I left there and wandered over to a gift shop to see if I could find an Old English Sheepdog in their porcelain section. A prissy little man with an honest to heaven monocle on followed me around as though I might slip something up my sleeve. Now, I don't think I looked like a thief, but I didn't tarry. As I was leaving I heard him say, "Please come again, Madam". I almost turned around to tell him not to call me Madam...hell, I'm not that old. Nor is that my occupation, whatever he was inferring! So I rejoined Mac at the center of the mall, he and his new friend were talking about stripers...that's a fish. He raised his eyebrows at my empty arms. I shook my head. "Everything is so expensive, and the worst part of it is, most of it was ugly," I complained. As we headed off to pick up his glasses, he put his arm around me and said, "that's alright Baby, we'll stop at Wal-Marts on the way home."
God, I love that man!