Friday, January 1, 2010

Where I am and why

On the couch or in the bed. Because I have the flu. I feel that I may pull through the worst of it by the first of the week. Mac's surgery went exceedingly well, which is fortunate since I was in no shape to chase his ass down had he taken it in his head to run. I was doing good to be the driver home. The hacking you hear is me coughing. Now, too sick to be funny but have some fun stuff for you here. Please feel free to laugh and snort coffee through your nose. Or tea. Either will dampen your keyboard, but not your spirits. Back next week. I hope. Time for my medicine...and Happy New Year everyone!
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon
whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much
weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of
ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an
explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that
picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles
his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand):
The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of
boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about
yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,
which renders the subject financially impotent for
an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted
very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously
when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito
that gets into your bedroom at three
in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after
finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both
stupid and an asshole.


Penny from Enjoying The Simple Things said...

Glad to hear that Mac is doing well....sorry to hear about your flu!! Rest, read, sip tea, have chicken noodle soup.....
p.s. Happy New Year!

Unknown said...

Happy to hear Mac is doing well, but sorry you have the flu! Thanks for the giggle, loved Willy Nilly esp. Happy New Year to you both, get well soon.

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

I do hope you feel better soon, Sandi. Take care of yourself.

Jeni said...

Glad that Mac's doing A-okay now, get busy with all that resting and relaxation stuff so you get better fast too! I thought earlier this week -like Tuesday night maybe, that I was getting a cold -sore, scratchy throat ya know, sinus being nasty, took a Mucinex-DM before going to bed and woke up in the a.m. -no sore throat, sinus drying up and figured, false alarm. Fool that I am to believe such signs cause tonight, the eyes and nose both are putting out massive amounts of "stuff", the sneezing is now upon me and as I sit here reading blogs, commenting, etc., I have a nice big cuppa hot raspberry zinger tea steeping to sip on and help make the cold exit as fast as possible. Loved those words you posted from the WP -many of them I do believe really are the correct meaning of them and the new word concoctions were fantastic! Happy New Year to one that hopefully will be cold and flu free from this day forward, huh?

Maggie May said...

Glad Mac is doing well.
Sorry to hear about your flu and hope you will soon be fighting fit.
Hoping that 2010 will prove to be a good one for you both.

Nuts in May

Tara said...


Glad Mac is doing well and he decided not to run off--sorry to hear you are ill, feel better soon!
These definitions cracked me up! I hope you have a prosperous and healthy, healthy 2010!

Trubes said...

Hi Sandi,
So sorry you have Flu and I hope you will soon be feeling well again.
Delighted to read that Mac is doing well, so...
Every good wish to you both and your family a peaceful, healthy and happy New Year,


Akelamalu said...

Sorry to hear you're sick Sandi but happy to hear Mac's surgery went well. :)

Happy New Year to you x

jeanne said...

Well I'm sorry to hear that the flu kept you scarce and not enjoying the excitement of the holidays. Hope you're back to yourself real soon and glad Mac's surgery went well. Funny word definitions!

NitWit1 said...

It seems a host of us bloggies are suffering through the viral season!

I can name three on my bloglist and myself. I'm working on my 3rd week with litle progress toward wellness.

Glad the eye surgery went well.

Terri Steffes said...

I am so sorry you are sick! I am hoping that today is the day you are on the mend!

LOVED the lists. Very clever!

Vee said...

Good to hear from you! Yay for Mac getting through surgery. Did he report any miraculous things like colors never having been so bright and the like? And, as for you, I see that even the dreaded flu can't dampen that wicked good sense of humor. Take care of yourself and feel better soon.

Land of shimp said...

Plenty of fluids, plenty of fluids! They won't make you feel any better, but it will give you something to take your mind off your suffering when you realize that, yes, you have to pee again.

Feel better soon :-)

Great list, by the way. I didn't think it was going to induce more than a gentle smile, but I ended up laughing more than once.

Mima said...


Really sorry to hear that you have picked up the flu, hopefully it will pass quickly and leave you revived & ready to face the new year which I hope will be a good one for you all. Glad to hear that Mac is feeling better.

Lots of love

Jinksy said...

Sorry the floobadoo has laid you low I hope all the little germs get up and go
soon if not sooner, and then you see
I hope the New Year will be good as can be!

Anonymous said...

You know, I saw the thumbnail of your post staying the same and I never thought it might be something serious - just off for the holidays. I'm sorry I wasn't by earlier. I'm glad Mac had the better part of the problems w/his eyes and that he's doing better. Sorry to hear you're ill. Take care of you and I hope he behaves in the meantime. :) Jenn

NeereAnDear said...

Hope you are getting better.... plenty of fluids and chicken noodle soup....

Glad that Mac did well ... and that he is on the mend too


Crack me up!!!

LOVED the Washington Post piece... some clever little ditties going on there... thanks for the laugh..


Anonymous said...

Oh No!!! I pray you get better soon. Being sick is no fun at all. Happy New Year to YOU!!!

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Hi Sandi - Happy New Year. Hope you are soon feeling well again and glad to hear that Mac's op went well. Loved the funnies! A x

Zuzana said...

Glad to hear that your husband is recovering, but sorry to hear that you are sick.
Have a happy 2010,

i beati said...

Maybe this is al the sickness for the entire year WOUldn't that be great !! sandy

Tom Bailey said...

Somd of these are hillarious. I do see the world as existing in the words we use and how we define them - I think that plays a huge role in life. This was great information to share.

Best regards,
Tom Bailey

Pat@Back Porch Musings said...

Thanks so much for the fun lists, Sandi!

Good to hear Mac's surgery went well.

Now...about that careful it doesn't come back on ya! That's what happened with yours truly. Yep...second go 'round with the nasty stuff!! Hope you are feeling 100%, very soon! This is the first time I've had back to back flu like ailment/rhinovirus or how ever you spell it! I had my first ever flu shot in late October and have been sick since November...having serious second thoughts about having that shot next season. I am one of those lucky people who rarely has more than a little allergy sneeze and sniffle, until this season of the bug.

Hope your 2010 is fantabulous!:-)

Jeff B said...

Giggles 'O Plenty

Loved those lists. Hope you're back up to speed soon, and a big yahooo! that Mac followed through with the surgery.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

CatHerder said...

so sorry youre not feeling well..get it out of your system..this will be your sick days for the year :-) happy new year

Lee said...

Sandi, thanks for the wonderful holiday fun. So many of those words seem useful that I'll have to think twice to avoid using one. LOL

Hope that Tamiflu is working for you. Glad to hear Mac is well on the road to happy vision. Take care now, Sis!

Hugs & Happy New Year!

jay said...

Oh no! Take good care of yourself! You need to rest and be lazy for a while. I hope you feel better soon and don't get too much in the way of lingering symptoms!

Your lists made me laugh. I loved

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.


5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito
that gets into your bedroom at three
in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Oh, and all of them really! ROFL!

Feel better soon!

Unknown said...

Get better soon Sandi! Glad to hear your hubby is doing okay! Take care!

Mary Isabella and Kiley too! said...

happy new year. i hope you both are feeling better...m.

SandyCarlson said...

I hope you are well soon.

Thanks for making me laugh.

Happy New Year.

Unknown said...

Sandi...Hoping you're on the mend by now~



Casdok said...

Happy new year and hope you are feeling better.

Deb said...

Sending wishes for a healthy and happy new year to you and Mac. I have returned from a blogging hiatus and am glad to be able to visit some of my favorite bloggers. And even when you feel lousy, you manage to make us all snort ! Amazing lady! Take care.

Suldog said...

Hope you're feeling better now, Sandi. Pokemon was my favorite.

Diva's Thoughts said...

I hope you feel beter really soon!!!

Merisi said...

I hope you are recuperating fast and on your way out of bed! Happy New Year to you and your loved ones!

Shelly's Style Shop said...

Cute Post! Get well soon.

xoxo, Shelly

Justabeachkat said...

Hi sweet friend! So sorry you've been under the weather. I hope by now you're much better 'cause I'm pretty sure tomorrow is your birthday. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Extra hugs just for you!

Pam said...

feel better soon Sandi!

cheshire wife said...

That was brilliant Sandi!

Pleased to hear that Mac is doing well and I hope that you will soon be back on your feet again.

A Happy New Year to you and your family!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Sis! Love, Toni

Sally said...

I hope you're all better now, and that Mac did well with the surgery. Happy belated Birthday, Sandi!!

RBK's Realm said...

Feel better my friend- sending you all positive energy. And I really enjoyed the word play winners from the Post.

Wishing you and your lovely family a womderful new year!

Unknown said...

Sandi...stopping back and praying your happy, healthy, and back on your feet!! Happy New Year my friend~

Merisi said...

Snowflake-encrusted greetings,
hope you are doing better, much better!

Anonymous said...


Pondside said...

Brilliant, Sandi! Thanks for the good laugh this morning.
I hope you feel better very soon - maybe even today you're up and about...but don't overdo it!

Lynne said...

Hope you are feeling better Sandi. All the best to you and yours.

Tessa said...

Sandi, I hope you are feeling better real soon. Plenty of rest, fluids and being waited on hand and foot by Mac should do the trick.

myonlyphoto said...

Sandi many days passed, are you okay. Wishing you happy new year and to get well soon. Thanks for posting this funny stuff, and thanks for the laughs. Get well, and be back soon! Anna :)

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Rick said...

This was hilarious! Thanks, Sandi. Usually I kind of pass over lists, but this one really made me laugh.

Donna said...

Good Grief Girl!!! I Really hope and pray you're OK by now! Been awhile since you've blogged and that's Just Not You!! Must have been rough!!!
Praying here little love!!!

San said...

Sandi, I'm so glad that Mac came through his surgery so well, that he didn't bolt before the procedure.

Take care of yourself. Stay warm and cozy. And thank you for the word fun from the Washington Post. Gotta rush off and inoculatte now.

Anonymous said...

I inclination not concur on it. I assume nice post. Particularly the title-deed attracted me to be familiar with the sound story.

Justabeachkat said...

Hi sweet friend! Where are you? Come back. You are missed.


imbeingheldhostage said...

These are hilarious. Take care of yourself Sandi!

Pinkerbell said...

Take care and get well soon!

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp - Hilarious!!

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Nishant said...

I do hope you feel better soon, Sandi. Take care of yourself.

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