Attn: SMARTHOMEPLANET.COM

Attn: smartplanethome.com

Ref: The Original Personal Pie Maker

Okay, so the mini pie baker that I ordered from Cook.com arrived yesterday. I spent this morning sipping coffee made by my Keurig coffee maker and munching on a doughnut from my mini doughnut baker. All in all a pretty fair morning between me and my gadgets. I was reading the hand book on the pie baker and discovered something fairly important...you don't even have to be fairly bright to figure out THAT the recipes in this handy dandy little hand book simply won't fly. Okay so I understand not to touch the hot plates because they are (duh) hot. I learned that at an early age, you know, more than fifty years ago. I understand that not all people who order this product are the sharpest knife in the drawer, so I understand the safety issues, okay? I also agree that you really shouldn't immerse the unit into water in order to clean it. Again, "duh". I am pretty sure I know not to use it while otherwise occupied (like say going to the grocers in the next town to buy the pie filling that might work in this thing...explanation following:)

I have read each and every recipe in my handbook provided by your company. I read them two or three times, in fact. I kept looking for the part where you actually cook the filling. I mean really people...just as it is important to tell some folks not to touch the hot plates or immerse in water or go off and leave the thing plugged in while you are in the next town over, it is equally important to tell the self same folk that pie fillings are to be cooked. I kept waiting to see the instructions to mix and put in pan and cook til thickened, then cool ... you know, every canned pie filling (fruit anyway) has one thing in common.  It has been cooked...but I could read this handbook from now till doomsday and I would never see those instructions...and since when would I freeze a pumpkin pie before eating?   It actually says this:  1. In a bowl mix combine all pie filling ingredients and mix until well blended.  2.  place baked pies in the freezer and allow to harden prior to eating.  Who writes these manuals? And more importantly, what country are they written in? I should pay more attention to where the things I buy come from, so I have only myself to blame. I only bring this to your attention because I am bringing it to my readers' attention at the same time. My readers are blogging friends and subscribers to The Cheraw Chronicle Newspaper, (a weekly paper in our county for many years for whom I am a columnist)...and all of them are smart enough to know that you would need to cook pie filling before putting it into the raw pie rounds as this calls for. And since pumpkin pie shouldn't be consumed frozen they disregard that bit of info immediately. I, in fact, believe that any or all of them could improve on your lousy little handbook in about five minutes...so, what I found from the handbook provided me with a good laugh and the instinct to throw it directly into the garbage...the handbook, not the pie maker...I'll reserve that option for after I've actually used it. Come to think of it, the only thing I'd keep the handbook for would be a coaster for my coffee cup...the coffee made by my Keurig...and my blog address is http://sandimcbride.blogspot.com/

I only resort to this because I've tried clicking on the Contact Us bar as shown on your site and it simply brings me back to the Google screen...just hoping this email address of info@smartplanethome.com works...I won't hold my breath. I'll just have another cup of coffee and a doughnut.

Dear Santa, May I have a Word?

So if you recall, last week I was talking about the big book of computer info called "The Complete Book of Computer for the Complete Idiot."  And as you recall it's main use is as a door stop.  A $69.99 door stop.  Well, after I had learned what I needed from it, I sort of wore out my EMachine.  Everyone was after me to get a laptop.  I am not sure what I had against it, but I was not a happy camper with a laptop.  I wanted what I was accustomed to, that tall tower and big a** monitor that took a special computer desk to sustain its' weight.  So in 2008 Santa did the unthinkable.  He brought me a laptop and I sort of pouted about it.  Okay, so I just out and out refused to even try it for the first week it took up residence.  Then, when the EMachine refused to cooperate at all, I opened the laptop and began to try it out.  I hated the little pad that replaced the mouse and Mac heard me all the way down in the garden..."I HATE THIS THING!!"
It's a lucky girl I am, because Mac knows a good bit about computers, he's built his fair share, including all the ones we have used.  He built my EMachine.  He came in and went into his office and came back with a mouse.  He plugged it into the USB port (now I have to be honest and tell you that I had written down UBS till Mac corrected me...it stands for Universal Serial Bus).  The computer picked it up as new hardware and installed it.  I hesitantly approached the computer, and placing fingers on keyboard, began to type.  I used the mouse for the things the mouse has to do and was in love.  Oh yes, I love my laptop.  I was on that laptop hours at a time.  By the end of it, I had written a book, and had it published. Also, I was not the only one who loved that laptop...Sonny our Russian Blue loved it too.  When I wasn't on it, I'm afraid he was.    And then something awful happened.  Sonny and I loved my laptop so much that we actually loved it to death.  Yes, we killed my laptop.  I don't know how we killed it, but suffice it to say that it became overheated and decided to blow itself up.  Sigh.  I handed it over to son Michael who had it for several weeks.  "Exactly what did you do to it," he finally asked.  That was when he returned it to me as being a hopeless case.  I think it should be purrfectly clear that Sonny has denied all culpability in this.  He claims he was in his cola box, and has the proof.   So right now I am using Mac's laptop and he has ordered me to keep it closed and turned off and Sonny's presence is not needed upon the case.  Poor Sonny. 

So, this is going to be my letter to Santa.  I'm sure he reads the Chronicle...after all, he has letters to him published in it every year.  So here goes...Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a new laptop with cat repellent implied...I've been pretty good all year if you don't count the mornings and evenings...thanking you in advance...Sandi  So, what do you think?  I'll let you know if he agrees that a new laptop is in my future.  Cross your fingers for me, will you?