Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Mother-in-Law (mother-in-lawwwww...)

Once I wanted to be the best mother, ever.  I'm not sure if I ever quite attained the lofty level of BME, but it sure wasn't for want of trying.  I learned the differences between what they wanted, what they needed and what they just absolutely had to have no matter the sacrifice.  Okay, so the last thing didn't rear it's ugly head quite as often as they insisted on it, but I did eventually level the playing field and work through the problems.  When they were little, it was much easier.  I could simply tell them no or get the object of their affection on the qt and surprise them.  As they got older, that became harder to do.  Just this weekend we were looking at some pictures of them at the age of 8 and 9 just after Santa had made his stop.  It showed the boys with their creatures of selection (transformer creatures of the day) and Wallace says, "oh yeah, I remember those...I was poking around in your closet to see what I could find and there they were...I hated I had done it, there were no surprises."  I never knew that.  It cured him of snooping, I think, but it sort of messed that Christmas up for him.  As they attained teen hood, it was so much harder to do what was best for them and harder to say no.  Since I was a LEO with the Sheriff's Department, I knew every cop in every department in every town including the Highway Patrol.  They couldn't get away with anything that I didn't hear about...eventually.  One of the SCHP patrolmen  had a nickname for Michael...Road Warrior.   He slipped up and called him that when he didn't know I was anywhere around.  I got the story of how he came to get the nickname...two stops in as many nights by the same trooper...and no consequences.  I can't say I agreed with it and told him so.  Of course I had to confront Michael with it as soon as we were both home at the same time...and it slowed his little Chevy down for a time.  Wallace had already taken care of his own speed problem by nearly losing control of his , just trying to see how fast the Trans Am would go.  I learned of this after he was married the first time.  I wished he'd kept it to himself.  Being a semi-believer in the string theory, I sometimes wondered what had happened to them in those alternate lives the true string theory believers often speak of.

So, I wanted to be best mother ever...not quite there...and now trying attain BMilE or Best Mother in law Ever status.  It's an uphill climb.  My son Michael is married to the lovely Anna and they have our only grandchild, Arianna...I do not poke my nose in their business even when they invite it.  I never liked either my parents or Mac's trying to mind our business and I promised myself that I would not do it to them.  When it comes to holidays,  I remember how often I wished I could be with my family during Thanksgiving and Christmas, but usually we were to far away to be with either.  We spent two Thanksgiving's with his family because he was a Navy Recruiter in their home town and we were there.  We spent two with my family because we were in Charleston which isn't far from my family.  It all worked out.  But I remember how I felt as a daughter and I realize that my daughters-in-law must feel the same way.  Therefore, we have Thanksgiving on Saturday so we can all be together.  It's a compromise, but one which I am willing to make.  My older son Wallace presented us with our future daughter -in-law over this holiday season.   We were quite pleased with his choice.  She seemed pleased with our situation of Thanksgiving on Saturday and we all had a great time, especially Arianna (who was looking forward to having a new Aunt in the family...though she is not so sure she wants any cousins any time soon...she's sort of used to being the ONLY grandchild.)

So, I'm going to be a Mother-In-Law again and I couldn't be any happier...I just hope that this song doesn't end up as ring tone for either of my girls!


ancient one said...

Congrats on the future DIL. We always learn to make compromises for our families. Sounds like you have a great plan on the Saturday Thanksgiving!

Donna said...

Awwww Sandi! Congratulations on Son adding to the Family! I'm sure you love her already!
I really don't think I want MY kids confessing just how fast They drove Either!!

Akelamalu said...

You sound the perfect MIL to me - because you sound just like me. ;)

It's much easier being a mother than a MIL but we have to work at both don't we?

Congratulation to your son and futuer DIL on their forthcoming nuptials.

larkswing said...

How exciting! I have already begun contemplating how to be the BEST mother or mother in law, once the kids are grown and gone. I think the holidays might be the spot that offers the greatest trial (glad we are still a ways off from any of that)


Vee said...

Congratulations and Best Wishes to all concerned. What good news! I always say that Christmas or Thanksgiving can be whenever we can do it. I'm flexible!

I don't know why Arianna doesn't want cousins...she'd be a very good babysitter. ;>

Sally said...

Congratulations to your son, Sandie!

I know you're a good mother and m-i-l; you have such a sweet nature.

My question has always been 'do we ever stop learning HOW to be a mother?' As they grow up and face adult challenges and heartache; well, sometimes I just don't how to be.

It's always good to see you here, my friend. ((hugs))

This Is My Blog - fishing guy said...

Sandi: Sounds like you are doing a good job at MIL duty, glad all is going well with you.

Maggie May said...

Congratulations on being a MIL again.
I'm sure you are very sensitive to a DIL's needs and you sound a very kind and sensible MIL. I'm sure things will work out fine.
Someone who can compromise is bound to get on well.
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Lynn @The Vintage Nest said...

I have two sons now 33...the other 36. that's all I'm saying. :)
P.S. You are still the best writer I know!

Mickle in NZ said...

Congratulations to Wallace and his fiance.

Your Thanksgiving compromise shows what a caring and considerate mother you are, dear Sandi.

Sending love and puRRRRumbles*, Michelle and Zebby Cat

(*he might be a scaredy wussy cat, but my goodness Zeb can purr!)

Finding Pam said...

I have two sons and one has been married for about 13 years. It is a learning lesson for me as the MIL. I want to be a good MIL. I always try to think of my DIL first. It is sometimes difficult because her family comes first. A daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he takes a wife.

Jules~ said...

Congratulations! That is exciting news. You are the 3rd person I have heard of this year to do Thanksgiving on Saturday. I think that is such a great idea.
Blessings to you and your family this week.

Jeni said...

Now that you created an earworm for me with that MIL song, I have to say that I think -with the attitude you maintain about your sons and their spouses and remembering your own days as such too -no way will you be regarded as the MIL as in the song! My family almost always celebrates Thanksgiving on a different day -mainly due to my kids work schedules most of the time. (Occasionally, in the past, we did that but not too much as Thanksgiving Dinner at my aunt's house generally took precedence over anyone else's family timing and if someone in the family was nailed to work that day, sadly, they ended up with leftovers then. And, thanks for the comments to my blog but I have to say I don't actually do all that much around here as a general rule. Just that at times things build up on me and I end up running around for a little interval here and there, like a chicken with its head cut off! Peace and keep writing, my friend!

Carver said...

Congratulations on being a MIL. I enjoy your stories. You express yourself very well.

Unknown said...

I thought being the mother of two boys was tough...this MIL stint is challenging. I have one who is like a her choice and mine...and a new one I struggle with. She has 'mother' issues with hers...and pulls me close...then pushes me away. I figure it's one of the challenges God's given me! Sounds like you're doing a GREAT job in that role, Sandi...but why am I not surprised??!!!

ps. the elves never showed or I would surely have sent them your way!!!

luckmey said...

Thanks for sharing excellent informations. Your site is so cool. I'm impressed by the details that you’ve on this web site. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. louis vuitton stephen sprouse

Zuzana said...

Dear Sandi, I enjoyed reading this old post.;) How sensitive you are to these issues, my sister and her mother in law do not get along at all. I am not married (yet;), but I am sure if I was I woudl wish for a MiL like you.;))
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and Christmas. I promise to come around more often and thank you for always finding the time to visit me.;))