Monday, March 21, 2011

My Love Hate relationship with Facebook

Everyone was doing it. I heard so many stories about the fantastic features of Facebook, I began to believe the hype. Bloggers were abandoning their blogs for the convenience of it. They were throwing away their marvelous stories to keep up with people they once knew, barely knew, thought they knew or regretted they knew. Heck, some of them they never knew. What's worse some of these new old friends knew things best left forgotten. Quite a few of them were losing their jobs, finding out that free speech isn't quite as free if you are out there talking trash about your employers worker bees. So why, I wanted to know, was everyone so lady gaga over this site. Okay, admitting my folly, I fell into the pool along with the rest, hoping I wouldn't drown, dog paddling like hell just trying to keep my head above water.

After signing up on Facebook, at the urging of blogging friends and family, I had over 90 friends the first day. Mac came along and looked at my screen and asked when I had signed up. "Today, " I admitted "And I haven't even done a lot with it yet." He shook his head and asking of no one in particular, " and how do you get 90 friends in one day of doing not a lot?" I had to admit I didn't know. I mean, yes, I knew a goodly number of these people that I had friended. Most of course were people who read my blog. Some were family. Others were friends of friends who because I knew their friend thought they might like to be my friend. Yes, I was confused too.

Of friends on Facebook, the most unforgiving are family. They will "unfriend" you the moment you disagree with anything they say about anyone also in your family. They are allowed to call your sister (their mother) any number of foul things, and if you try in the least to raise a hand of discipline, (via Facebook wall postings) Bob's your Uncle, you're unfriended! Many of my younger family members apparently missed out on the "airing your dirty laundry" lesson given by my Grandmother, Nancy Douglas. She always preached to us that if we made mistakes in life, they were a family matter and not to be aired in public like so much dirty laundry. Well, I have noticed a lot of dirty laundry wafting in the Facebook breezes. And I wish they would stop it. I have signed off the site twice now, and feeling the urge to sign off once more. I just have one bone to pick with a certain someone about they way they are talking about someone I happen to love dearly. If they don't like it, they can unfriend me. Please.


Vee said...

From what I hear, it's a dog eat dog world on Facebook and, as you say, mostly at the hands of one's own family. John's family gets into some of the worst messes there. My daughter enjoys her account, but mostly hangs with a loving and forgiving crowd. She did have a second cousin twice removed twist her arm to buy Girl Scout cookies. That was kind of a manipulative thing to do, but since I got a box of Thin Mints out of it... ☺

Hope that you won't completely give up your blog with your wonderful stories. I don't mind sharing, but Blogdom's not the same without you!

Jeannie said...

You could just unfriend them first so you don't have to hear it.

For me facebook is a handy way of getting in touch with people (ie:family) who are distant enough that I'm not likely to know where they are currently living or necessarily have their email address and also handy for mass invitations.

I don't think the world needs to know how I feel on an hourly basis.

Unknown said...

Sorry you're experiencing this "hate" part of FB Sandie. I'm a fan, for getting in touch with family and old friends, but I don't publish my thoughts if I think they're controversial, not on FB. Now on Blogger, that's a different story and I tell it like it is, period.

Lynn @The Vintage Nest said...

I'm with you on this one :)

Donna said...

I also have a FB acct...mainly to keep up with the kids and friends. I do Not befriend Anyone who is a friend of a friend...I don't know them...Mostly I just read. It can get to be another...chore.
Happy day sweetie!

Finding Pam said...

I am sorry to hear this about FB. I use it to see how my kids are doing since they live far away.

I also use it for my church to keep up on what is going on.

Never tell anything that you don't want the whole world to know. It is great to see a post from you.

I hope all is well with you, my friend.

Pondside said...

The Great Dane and the younger generation are on FB and are always telling me to sign on, to keep up with friends and family. I signed on for one day. When a client (and I work in Corrections) wanted to be a friend I signed off and closed the account. The end!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have a FB account, but seldom go there unless my children have posted pictures of the grands.

Wanda @ Just Vintage said...

That's so unfortunate. Facebook should be a fun place. I've been lucky. None of my family or friends have been vicious toward anyone I know. But I do kinda enjoy reading other people's dirty laundry. Whether they're bickering back and forth in public or dirty as in kissy poo. OK. No. I don't like reading all the kissy-poo stuff. But I find it amusing to read one brother say his brother (both of whom I'm friends with) needs to get a real job and waiting to see if the brother bites.

But I've been unfriended by 3 people that I know of that I can't figure out why. I don't say out of the way things, don't really talk all that much and certainly never said anything about them or against them. I knew them personally growing up and we still have a ton of mutual friends. So... What'd I do?

Lee said...

I'm sorry you're finding FB so not always fun. I don't post tons of stuff on it. Mostly I use it to keep up with what my friends are doing on it. I gave up on the games because they were just too time consuming. Be selective with who you want to be friends with. Blck all apps you don't want accessing your personal info. And say no to folk finding you by searching on Facebook. It will make life a lot easier.


Hilary said...

I have little interest in Facebook. I pop in about once every couple of weeks and I never post. I only read what others want to say. Blogging is my outlet. I'm so sorry you're experiencing problems.

Jeni said...

Sandi, as one who follows you -and has for quite sometime -on your blog and also, I have you on my FB friends list too, I must 'fess up that I do miss the stories you used to post frequently on your blog but I never thought of FB as being the culprit that stole those tales away from us. I have times when I get a little carried away on FB but not that often. I rely mostly on my blog posting and readings to keep in touch with a select group of cyberspace "friends" because that's exactly what many of my fellow bloggers -and some of you I connect with too on FB -have become to me. I do like FB mostly for the ease (usually) with which I can post photos of my hobbies, and especially all kinds of pics of my grandkids too! (You do know without my grandkids, my world would collapse completely, don't you?) But recently I had a little issue, shall we say, with a youngster who lives fairly near to me. He's still in high school and yes, I "friended" him because I know the kid, same church, a lot of mutual friends and such even though I am old enough to be his Grandma. About 2 weeks ago, he made some remarks about a company where I used to work and which, if he completes college in the track he's talking about now, he could end up needing to apply there for a job. It doesn't have a great rep for being employee friendly at times, but it is still one of the best known companies in the field this kid is looking at entering. His comments about this place were quite disparaging and I mentioned to him that he might want to reconsider saying things like that because they could, down the line, come back and bite him in the behind, ya know. His response to me was to "bug off!" Okay, so much for that. Then this past week, he posted a rant that was downright obscene in which he called his mother, yes, his MOTHER, every foul name under the sun and told her to do things physically impossible. Online, no less! My cousin's granddaughter posted to him that he should be ashamed to say things like that about his Mom and I commented behind that with a "You tell him, girl!" and guess what? He blocked me! Telling me this was none of my business to which I had responded that if you put it out here, it becomes everyone's business so if you don't want the comments back, don't put it out here! Yeah, and that's when he blocked me. Part of me wants to laugh at his arrogance, his insolence, his ignorance and yet, another part of me wants to cry to see people put things like this out there, online for virtually the world to see. Yes, you and I can do somewhat the same with our blogs but somewhere along the line a certain amount of tact usually does still come into play even on those pieces of writing too!
Don't give up totally on FB though -there are some ways in which it has its good points.

Merisi said...

Never heard of. ;-)

Glad to have you back in Blogland!