Monday, January 26, 2009

Good Sister's Journey into Light

Last week has worn me out. I haven't posted as often as I should but you'll forgive me when you know that I've been being the supportive shoulder for Good Sister. It's been a long week, and though she can't see how much better she is, I can. I've been on the phone with her mostly and these days there is more talking going on than crying. Mac and I spent Friday evening with her, Mac setting up her computer, me consoling and soothing. She allowed me to disparage the man who broke her heart without one interruption. "He's a dog, " I told her...then looking at her lovely pair of dogs, I apologized to them. "So sorry, guys...no, he's not a dog...a dog is too Godlike to hurt you this way...he's a heel. He's a lowdown sorry heel and remember this! TIME WOUNDS ALL HEELS!" I got a tiny smile out of her, and Butch licked my hand.

So now here she is, ready to admit that maybe he was less than he seemed, a good actor nothing more, nothing less. But she's still not sleeping well, her mind is still drawn to who she thought he was, not who he really is. I'm hoping that since she has made the leap from man to heel that the next step will be Prince to frog. When she can stop seeing him as her Prince Charming, the warts will show and I believe that will be the beginning of the end for her attachment to him. When she first started dating again after her divorce, she would supply me with name, description (sometimes phone photo) and tag number so that should anything happen, I'd have all I needed to help find her. You may think that is a bit extreme, but in today's world, it's not as much as I'd want for when my Granddaughter is old enough to date. Full background checks will be more my speed. With this one, all I had was the cell phone photo he wasn't aware she took. Well, that and his name and the hotel he was staying in while in town. All that information and still she wasn't safe. What's a friend to do?

You know, heartbreak hurts worse when you're a woman of a certain age. An empty home is lonelier than a cell. You work hard all day then go home to no one to talk to, no one to share your day with. It can get to be a cold existence. I was so happy for her that she had found Mr Right. How could he (and we) have been so wrong? But I'm an optimist. Knowing what a beautiful woman she is, inside and out, I have no doubt that if she wants him, the right man is out there, just waiting to find her. I can't wait till the day comes, that she can go out on her porch and yell at the top of her lungs, "NEXT!" Because the next man is out there...and you've got to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

73 comments:

lmerie said...

Oh can I relate! Been there and now I am with Mr. Right . . . wish it were possible to skip the frogs the dregs of the earth!

I remember giving a friend names and phone numbers of new guys, at least after the one that broke my heart and left me feeling lonely than I had ever felt.

NEXT . . . :)

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Heartbreak is such a horrid thing. Loneliness is a terrible thing too - couple them together and you feel that your heart will never mend.

You can only do what you are doing - she should get straight onto an online dating site and start having some fun. Distraction from pining for a useless toerag who doesn't desrve it works wonders. I think she's mourning the loss of her future and not the loss of him. Suddenly all the plans you had have gone - she needs more plans, new ones with other people - she should book a singles holiday! Get her to do something where she looks forward instead of looking backwards - that time and he thankfully has gone. Good luck, you seem to be a great support.

Maggie May said...

You are a wonderful friend, so *sister* is really blessed to have you.
It is always worse when you are older, to be let down like this, and loneliness can be devastating. She deserves better and there is every chance she could find Mr Right! Hope so, I really do.

Terri and Bob said...

I'd rather be alone that be with someone who isn't what he seems. I think she is lucky to find out now. Hard to accept right now, though.

Hugs to her!

Jeni said...

A long time ago, shortly after my divorce back in 1980, I acquired a poster that I put on the back of my bathroom door. It was a frog, sitting on a lily pad and said simply "Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before Prince Charming comes along." My older daughter hated it but I loved that poster as I felt it really "spoke" to me. Ten years ago this month, I began a relationship with a man I'd known for 17 years. We'd been friends while he was married but was widowed in 1997. The relationship took off -boy, did it ever! Bells, rockets, fireworks -of all types, it seemed when we were together, when he called. We would chat on the phone for long periods in between seeing each other. He lived in Michigan; I, here in Pennsylvania. By summer, the "L" word was even being bantied about frequently and I really thought I'd finally come across my Prince Charming. He retired in August of '98, came to visit once in October and we went to a great concert, holding hands through it like teeny-boppers. And that was the last I saw him as he drove off into the sunset to return to his home. Seems he developed a myriad of reasons why our relationship was no good, wouldn't/couldn't work. And I spent the closing time of 1998 and most of 1999 in tears. Since then, I have decided for me, it is best that I just steer clear of the male populace. The "pickings" in this small town are very slim -even for younger folks and at my age, there is virtually nothing in the "available" department. I have come to the conclusion that there is something in my personality or appearance that automatically only draws the jackasses of the world to me. There are times I think a relationship would be nice but then, I think perhaps I am just better off with my hobbies and keep away from exploring. What sucks though is I still think about that last one, still miss him very much and wonder too if he is even still alive and well. Even my kids liked him, something they rarely did with anyone else I had a relationship with over the years. Because of certain health issues now, I definitely will not venture out to look for a "Prince Charming" again. But I have learned finally to be good and kind, loving of myself for a change and appreciating my family much more in the process too. This is just what works for me now, not necessarily a way for everyone else to follow though.

windycorner said...

Thank goodness Good Sister has a sweet sister like you to be there in the bad times. And I hope this heel does get wounded. Paybacks are hell!

® ♫ The Brit ♪ ® said...

Hi Sandi,
I've experienced a few times in the past what your Sister is going through... awful times indeed.
My advice would be for her to spend some time alone before meeting someone new, time to "find herself" again, I feel that's so important... not to jump straight into a new relationship without thinking or having time to heal...
And then get out there and start dating again and hopefully very soon she will find a truly decent and loving man!
I wish her all the best of luck, she is very fortunate to have such a wonderful person: sister/friend like you!
All the best,
Donnie X

Anonymous said...

Your frog analogy made me sit up and take notice. I've said, from the time I met Mr Right (J), I had to kiss a lot of frogs before Prince Charming came along. Upon hearing this, J's mother was scandalized!!!! She didn't understand it was an amazing compliment to her son. Our niece who was about 6 at the time, said, Gramma, is Uncle J a prince? No, said J's mother, don't listen to her!! Oops, a little insight into our life, but a true story.

I wish I'd have had one of those posters, like Jeni's.

Pat@Back Porch Musings said...

Well....I guess you can tell by the mention of J, that anonymous is moi.

Tessa said...

Yes! I can just see her on the porch yelling 'NEXT'! You are a wonderful 'sister' always, in all ways and even though she feels sad and lonely right now, I'll bet she feels so lucky to have you.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Good to hear that "Good Sister" is beginning to see the light, Sandi. You are doing exactly the right thing, letting her talk, making tentative disparaging remarks and when she begins to join in, think of something about him to laugh at, ridicule him. Know this has to be dealt with sympathetically but if anyone can do it, you can! She will gradually become strong again. Hugs to both. A x

Brit' Gal Sarah said...

Sandi too true about kissing alot of frogs. It will take time but eventually she'll see she's bettter off without him. But I agree, everyone needs someone to come home too.

Love Bears All Things said...

Your heart cannot be broken unless it is open to love. Its a chance we take. I happy that she is feeling better.
eharmony: I have not used it myself but I do know some who have and have found their life partner there.
My older sister is the woman you describe coming home to an empty house. I try to encourage her to get out and get involved with other people but she has closed herself off to opportunity. I pray your friend will not do this. That she will pick herself up, dust herself off and go out there and live.
Mama Bear

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

So glad that your friend is doing better...what a good friend you are!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

You are such a good friend. I WISH I had friends like you. I really do.

I know exactly how she feels. Broken hearts are so hard to deal with.

ConverseMomma said...

I'm truly sorry to hear that anyone has suffered a broken heart, but especially someone who was so willing and eager to give hers with faith. She is lucky to have you as a support system.

Veggie Mom said...

Oh, heartbreak is the hardest thing to get over! You are a wonderful person to be so loving to Good Sister...you know she appreciates you loving care! BTW, Uncle Lynn decided to join the Bloggy Giveaway Carnival, so we're having an impromptu Pop'rs Giveaway this week!

Donna said...

My sister is now 61, divorced 3 times...I told her to get a dog...Geez!
Hope your sister snaps out of it soon! Tell her to call my sister! I have No tolerance for creeps....Give her lots of tlc then lock her in the closet! I'm so bad!Hahaa...hughugs

Mima said...

I'm really glad that she has a Sister like you to be there for her, and to help get her through a difficult time. It can be a really lonely road being alone on the partner front, but it is friends that make all the difference in making your life a great place, and hopefully with time you will be able to help her reach that place again.

Sally said...

I'm glad 'sister' is doing some better. That "dog's" day will come for sure. "Time wounds all heels" - I LOVE it!! You're a character, Sandi. ((HUGS))

Sally said...

Oh, and I agree that you can never be too careful! It's good that she gives you information.

Akelamalu said...

I love your philosphy

and you've got to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

it's so true.

I'm sorry your sis got her heart broken but Mr Right is out there somewhere and will pop up when she's not looking! :)

Penny @ The Comforts of Home/Lavender Hill Studio said...

I am so sorry your friend had her heart broken by that terrible heel! But, I am so glad that she has you and Mac to help her heal....
Hugs,
Penny

Jamie Dawn said...

I hope she truly thinks he's a heel, so IF he comes sniveling back to her, she won't take him back.
Her hurt is deep.
I'm so sorry for her.

Hilary said...

I agree with the Brit/Donnie. It takes time to settle your heart before jumping into the next relationship. She won't do herself or the potential new love any good if she's still mourning her previous loss.

Having been in your "sister's" position, feeling sad over the loss of whom I thought he was, rather than who he really was, I can tell you that it probably didn't help to hear his character being put down, no matter how well-intended. In my case, the part of me that still loved the part of him that I thought was good, felt the need to defend him and my own self for being such a poor judge of character. Tread lightly in that area. Let her lead the put-downs when she's ready to do that. Just my take. You're a wonderful friend.

RBK's Realm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RBK's Realm said...

The advice given by everyone is so pertinent and helpful.

Time will heal and I am a big believer in giving the wounded heart time to grieve and then doing some introspection to avoid the same pitfalls. Unfortunately there is NO one prescription for such situations and one needs to pick and choose from the advice given by well meaning folks to see what works as what works for one broken heart may not work for another.

Am I making sense?

Anna said...

Sandi, may be just a slight detour for her, I am sure her inner beauty and outer beauty will get her the right man...its all in 'times' hands now. Thanks for sharing your story. Anna :)

CatHerder said...

what a great friend you are...i know how you feel...TWO of my friends that were married over 20 years just went through divorces...cheating husbands...omg i would just die!

Butterfly Gardener said...

You are such a good friend to Good Sister. I'm never very good in dealing with those type situations and never can find the right words till the conversation is over and I think about what I should have said.
From my own experience love finds you when you don't go off looking so hard for it.

Jeanne said...

What a good friend you are Sandi. I have a friend who's with a real dog and has been for sometime. She deserves so much better but as you say, you get to a certain age...

Lee said...

Wow, Sandi! I'm so glad she is doing better and that you've been there for her. Remembering how much I hurt when my ex left I'm sure she will consider you her most golden friend when she is through with all of this. I hope she finds a way to move on and look forward to finding someone much more deserving than he was of her. Prayers for her and you ascending!

Hugs!
Lee

SandyCarlson said...

Time does wound all heels. Geez....I remember rowing this canoe myself. Best thing that ever happened was that my Buddhist friend, who knew nothing of the situation, taught me you need only worry about the present moment and that the people who aren't in the room AREN'T IN THE ROOM. It was a big moment for me who was in the room. Made moving on a delightful choice. I hope you sister feels better soon.

justabeachkat said...

You've mentioned Evil Sister and Good Sister, but you've never told us what they call you. I'm betting you're "SSS" (Sweet Sister Sandi". Both sisters are blessed to have you as their friend, especially Good Sister as she goes through this terrible time. I'm hoping she'll be ready to yell "NEXT!" real soon.

Hugs!
Kat

tlc illustration said...

Ah, how hard for her. She is very lucky to have such a good friend like you to console her (and how lucky are you to have your long-term, resident 'dragon slayer' yourself).

Loved the "time wounds all heels". :-)

best wishes to you both.

Tessa said...

---->just sneaking back in to tell you that I've an award on my blog for you, dear Sandi.

Carol said...

Sandi......thanks for coming by the Porch ! I would love to hear about your Ghost's. Maybe a post?
I love the quote! I have an ex-SonInLaw- heel i'm waiting for time to wound-big time! HA!
"I found Mr. Right, only shows up when God does the picking". The great thing about a broken heart, it really does heal and the scar tissue just helps next time!

Merisi said...

May I treat you to a freshly brewed cup of coffee and a homemade doughnut (very light, filled with apricot jam from the Danube valley!)?
Then put your feet up, and lean back. I will offer you a choice of romantic movies to relax. How'bout "Notting Hill?"
There are so many beautiful scenes filmed in dear Old London (oh, well, some very good studio work, possibly *g*), lots of romance and tons of good giggles and laughter!
Hugs to a sweet sister,
Merisi

Dr.John said...

The problem is that in some ponds there are only frogs , no princes.

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Sandi, your sister is very blessed to have you in her corner. I hope she finds Mr. Right and that he is every single thing she ever dreamed of finding and then some!

Sounds like her ex is the real loser here. He didn't know gold when he saw it. She will definitely be the winner here. Who wants a man who can't tell the difference in gold and fool's gold?

XO,

Sheila

Suldog said...

On behalf of all dogs everywhere, I'd like to thank you for deciding not to diss us.

joan said...

Poor thing. I'm glad she has someone to love on her like you. Nothing hurts more then being lonely.

SandyCarlson said...

Thanks for stopping by, Sandi!

ancient one said...

I hope good sister's broken heart heals quickly. Just takes time.

Mary Isabella and Kiley too! said...

She is so Blessed to have you in her life...m.

Deb said...

Hi ~ The world would be a better place if we all had friends like you. Friends who know when to be quiet and just listen, friends who know what to say and when to say it and friends who are there - whether it be at the other end of the phone or sitting right next to us - thank you for being there for your 'sister'. Maybe she should start a blog - it might help her feel connected to all of the good people in blogland. Take care.

cheshire wife said...

Your friend is lucky to have you as a 'sister'. It is still early days at the moment for your 'sister'. I am sure that things will sort themselves out.

I got so fed up with looking for Mr Right that I gave up looking and just decided to enjoy myself. Then I met my husband!

Denise said...

I kissed far too many frogs before Dennis came along.... I was in danger of warts! You tell her that GOD knows right where "Mr Right" is and GOD will bring him right to her...How do I know this..... HE did just that in my life!!!! I was 52 years old and had been in too many relationships gone wrong and too many marriages gone wrong.. Sometime in 1989 or 1990 I quit! Had all I wanted..... Learned to love me and love my life and love my Father God and allowed HIM to be all in all in my life...... I was well in spirit and in body and in soul! THEN...... in 1999 there he was........ Right there before my eyes and it has been a romance from day one........ What God has joined, NO MAN can put asunder! I failed to let GOD do it in my life.... This time it is as it should be........ Tell her to keep her eyes on GOD..... HE sees her husband......

Hairline Fracture said...

I love saying "Time wounds all heels!" Well, actually, time wounds everybody whether you're a heel or not, unfortunately. I'm sorry she got burned and glad she has a friend like you to help her heart heal.

Shrinky said...

Oh so right Sandi, it's so much harder the older you get, you don't bounce back quite so readily. She knows her self-worth, you re-enforce that with all the love and support you surround her in. My old gran used to say, "What's for you won't go past you." Thank God this slimeball slid through, saves such a lot of future grief by the sounds of it. She'll agree, one day.

imbeingheldhostage said...

You know, the stage after realizing that he's duped her is realizing that she got duped. It's a whole new load of emotions when the pride jumps out for some attention. I hope she heals quickly (not "heels" quickly, we want him gone).

I wish I had known you when I fell for an "actor" because "TIME WOUNDS ALL HEELS" would've cracked me up :-)

Sweetie said...

How kind that you are so supportive of "sister." I think that each of us handles heartbreak differently. It is fortunate that she found out sooner rather than later. I do think that you can be in a relationship and, if it is not sincere, you are lonlier than if you were truly physically alone.
Hugs,
Sweetie

JanaBanana said...

Very glad you are there for your sister.. time will heal.

Psst, wanted to let you know I didnt write that piece on my blog :) Ann Coulter did

david mcmahon said...

Yes, I hear you. People of all ages can relate to this.

The Muse said...

Thank heaven she has you!

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Daisy said...

Oh poor poor her- there is nothing more painful than a broken heart. It's amazing how it really hurts physically as well. You're right though, time is the great healer and she will be open to finding her prince again before too long.

x D

Cheffie-Mom said...

I know this is hard, but this is just a stepping stone on your sister's path to happiness!

San said...

My heart goes out to your beautiful sister, Sandi. Here's hoping the warts of the heel (I wrote HELL at first, and that works too) become fully visible to her eyes--that's when the HEAL will begin to occur.

I'm glad she has you to help her bear this.

NAVAL LANGA said...

Ms. Sandi McBride

Thanks for visiting my blogs.
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Sandy said...

I'll be praying for her - heartbreak is such a hard thing to get over! I'll pray that the calm on the other side of her storm comes quickly and she is able to move forward and onto BETTER partners for her!
Have a wonderful weekend my friend!
Blessings,
Sandy

Carol said...

Oh Sandi....Talk about a 'Good Sister'...you fit the bill! Heartbreak is so hard to watch, isn't it? I can't help but think that God has a better plan for her. She's too 'good' for Him not to.

Congrats on your Post of the Day award over at David's...and thank you for letting me know about mine. I didn't know!! xoxox

Elizabeth said...

Keeping your sister in my thoughts.
all best

Sarah Laurence said...

Sandi, thanks for telling me about my blog making David’s post of the day. I can see why he chose yours as a winner. Good luck to your sister and her future prince.

theArthurClan said...

I am also here to thank you for letting me know that my post made it into David's "Post of the Day." What an honor!

I'm so glad I got to stop by and read your story as well. You truly are a wonderful sister ~ she probably appreciates what you have done for her more than you'll ever know. Blessings to you!

GreenJello said...

Oh, been there done that. I feel for your sister!

Congrats on POTD. :)

Meredith Teagarden said...

Every woman needs a chat with you on this topic at one time or another in her life. The last paragraph was well stated.

Visiting from David's.

bfs ~ "Mimi" said...

First, I want to thank you for your precious visit to my blog and for the comment you wrote regarding the "Baby Birds...Predators..." story.

Most of the law enforcement I dealt with while working on that job were men, and they were not as compassionate (at least, not admittedly). But you are so right regarding the heartbreak of underage drinking.

The stories I heard from these kids ... well, more than a few of them saw me cry. When I got to the place where I always cried, even in front of those rough tough boys, I knew I had to move along. But I'm always thinking of the kids.

I am blessed to have my same hubby who has put up with me since we married in 1970. But I have single friends, widowed friends, divorced friends ~ and I hurt for your sis. Thank goodness she has you, because this world is not our home ~ and it is not a safe place for the alone.

Merisi said...

Dear Sandi,
I hope you are doing fine,
get some respite,
a walk along January beach, perchance?

Cheers,
M.

Jules~ said...

I was nodding my head in agreement and understanding thru your whole post. I had a friend who went thru a whirlwind romance that had us all spinning. He was a charmer and too perfect. As the saying goes "if it is too perfect to be real.....then it isn't real". Oh my goodness the manipulation we discovered along the way once eyes were open.....and the devistation on her heart. But she recovered and now she is so strong. She is amazing. I pray the same for your "Good Sister" and strength for you as you ride the roller coaster of emotions with her and find that things have to be said over and over to heal wounds.

Jodie Adams said...

What a good friend you are! I wish I could help her too. Heartbreak is one of the worst things we have to live through in this life. Isn't it funny how we always see the good in the ones that hurt us? I did that with an old boyfriend for years. I finally realized he wasn't such a "good" guy after all. He played me like a fiddle. Good luck to her finding a man worthy of her. I'll say a prayer.

Carrie Lynne said...

NEXT!

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